It’s officially been a year since I started to attempt comedy. The experience was met with highs and lows, gains and losses, victories and defeats.
However, It’s been remarkably difficult to find the personal good out of any of this.
I think I made more mistakes than anyone could trying to make a name for themselves in this game. I lost my wife, I alienated large groups of friends, It’s difficult for me to talk to me family due to the overwhelming shame I feel. I didn’t have a very broad plan for success, and now I’m struggling to make it day to day. I haven’t performed anything in quite a while, I haven’t orchestrated shows like I used to, and while I secured a venue for open mic for other comedians to perform and exercise their talents, I have stagnated. My interpersonal skills have remained on point, and I’m as sharp as I ever was but I haven’t written anything new in a while, and every time I step on a stage now, I keep thinking; “This is what I gave up everything for?”. My enthusiasm for comedy has dropped considerably.
They say that out of great pain great art can be created. I think overall that’s bullshit. It may be true for some small sliver of the population. But all great pain has caused me to do is wallow in self pity, sleep 20 hours a day, watch way too much netflix, barely leave the house, and over indulge on shitty food. I’m sure there’s something funny there. I know there is. If it’s translatable and I’m the one that’s supposed to deliver that transcription, it’s not happening any time soon. This blog has roughly a one month shelf life before it’s deleted, possibly the chapter in my life where I attempted comedy along with it.
I don’t know what I can do for Houston comedy at the moment. The scene has improved since one year ago. There are more opportunities for people to try and express themselves then there were back then. I’ve met a lot of incredibly talented and funny people, a few of which have left to pursue their talents elsewhere. Although I am alone, I have the autonomy and the freedom to do as I like. (I just need to take advantage of it).
Time makes fools of us all.
-Kevin R. Farren